The Box I Was Afraid to Leave (POV: Wife)

They say the "Panganay" (eldest child) is always prepared for anything. I thought my years of being a responsible "Ate" and a breadwinner had toughened me up for life as an immigrant in Spain. I was wrong. Behind the beautiful photos and the travel vlogs is a story of homesickness, compromise, and "eating my words." This is my POV—not just as an immigrant, but as a wife finding her own courage.

So here's my back story...

Many years ago, I told myself, "I will never live in a foreign country. I’ll only visit for vacation." That was the innocent, contented, and comfortable version of me.

My family was not rich. My parents—and later, my mother on her own—did their absolute best to send us to school. As the eldest of five siblings, I understood the weight of responsibility early on. Even back in elementary school, I would automatically decline field trips because I knew we could only afford the basic necessities. There simply wasn't a budget for "unnecessary" expenses, and as the "Ate," I felt I had to be the first one to understand that. I needed to be the role model.

Back then, I learned to appreciate what our parents could afford. I was a person who typically didn't want to complain because I felt it would only add to the weight of our family’s difficult economic situation. I could not complain about whatever food my mother prepared—even if it was just rice mixed with Star Margarine. And no, there was no other dish to go with it, like meat or vegetables. Just rice and margarine. I remember almost gagging because I really didn't like the taste, but I had to eat it without complaining.

Despite that, my parents were always supportive of my interests. They knew how much I loved drawing. They thought I would take Fine Arts, but I told them, "I want to be an architect."

And so, I moved to Manila because my course wasn't available in our province. I studied at a public state university where tuition cost only Php 1,000 per semester, but the drawing materials and projects were not cheap. My mother worked very hard for my schooling. When she lost her job during my third year of university, I was terrified I wouldn't be able to finish my degree. Fortunately, my uncle, a civil engineer working abroad, volunteered to help. Because of their support, I successfully earned my Bachelor’s Degree in Architecture and eventually became a licensed architect.

And this is when the shift happened...

When I started working, I promised myself my siblings would never have to worry about their schooling, at least financially. I slowly became the "breadwinner" of the family. I was transparent with my family, telling them my financial support would continue until I turned 27 because, "I am not getting any younger, and I want to get married!"

At 27, I married Seven. We were high school "puppy love" back then. We are a study in contrasts! If Seven is fire, I am water. If Seven is winter, I am summer. He has big, sprawling dreams; I am easily contented. He is spontaneous, while I consider myself the "boring" type. He is courageous enough to imagine any possibility, while I was afraid to step out of the box.

Because we were married, I learned the art of compromise. I followed where my husband went and learned to support his interests—which, as it turns out, I actually enjoy! I would rather nap than watch movies, but I accompany him anyway. I would rather read books or do household chores to relax, but in his free time, he likes playing cards, board games, and even video games. I would rather be at home relaxing, but he is an outdoorsy person who loves to explore. So, I learned to expose myself to the sun and catch up with his energy! We started traveling locally and internationally, and that shifted my perspective more than anything else ever could.

My life as an Immigrant started...

After 12 years of marriage, we decided to leave our home country. We have been living here for a year now, and I’ve realized that being the "Panganay" prepared me for this life in ways I didn't expect. The same girl who had to be practical with the family budget in the Philippines is the same woman now navigating a new economy in Spain. The resilience I developed while looking after my four siblings became my secret weapon.

In Filipino, we call it "Kinain ko ang sinabi ko" (I ate my words) regarding living abroad, but I see now that my upbringing was a rehearsal for this. I often recall my mother’s teachings: to be practical in all things; to manage income and expenses strictly; to handle household chores; to develop "people skills," because we cannot survive without the help of others.

My Personal Learnings: One Year as an Immigrant

If I could sum up my first year in Spain into a few life lessons, they would be these:

• Discovering Hidden Bravery: I’ve learned that I am capable of unimaginable things. Moving across the world has introduced me to a level of courage I never knew I possessed. We don’t have relatives here; it’s just us starting everything from scratch.
• The Power of Firsthand Experience: There is a vast difference between hearing about immigrant life and actually living it. Now that I’ve walked this path, I feel a deep calling to help others by sharing the reality of our journey.
• Embracing the "Not Okay" Days: No life is perfect, and no transition is seamless. You may see me looking well in our vlogs, but behind those moments is an ordinary human who also feels homesickness. I’ve learned that it is okay to feel overwhelmed; it’s not a sign of weakness, but a necessary part of adjustment.
• Finding Joy in the Simple: Whether it’s a long walk through the city or a quiet afternoon people-watching over coffee, enjoying the small things keeps us grounded while we figure out the "big" things.
• Choosing My "Foreign Family": Surrounding myself with the right people is vital. Finding true friends in a new country is a literal lifesaver. They helped me fight homesickness and make a foreign land feel like home. I’m happy to say that I’m not crying anymore.
• Dreaming New Dreams: Setting new goals gives us a purpose. It’s okay to let go of old plans to make room for a "new why." Living in Spain was once just a dream, and now we are living it. We’re moving onto the next—because who says you have to limit your list?
• Intentional Stewardship: My mother’s voice is always in my head: be intentional with your spending. Buy what is needed; the "wants" can wait. We make sure no food is wasted because every single Euro counts!
• Radical Open Communication: Now that it’s just the two of us navigating this life, honesty is our greatest tool. We are a team, no matter what.

I thought it will be easy-peasy...

I overestimated myself! I thought I was resilient enough for immigrant life because of my past. But the truth is... even an eldest daughter has her breaking point.

I cried during my first and second months here. I would usually cry in the bathroom or before sleeping to make sure Seven wouldn't notice. The feeling of being so far away from my "tribe"—my family—made me so sad. I also missed our two dogs, Botchie and Scavi, whom I loved taking care of. For the first time, I wasn't the "Ate" everyone could lean on; I was the one who felt lost.

And what did I do? In that season, I became more prayerful. I could only truly scream my worries and anxiety to God. I cried and knelt, praying for strength. I have learned to rely entirely on God’s goodness rather than just my own strength. And you know what? Prayer is so powerful!

Looking back at our first year in Spain, I can see that we aren't just surviving—we are thriving. I never thought I would appreciate the right friends so much, or that I would be putting my mom’s life advice into practice every single day.

Ultimately, I realize that following my husband to a foreign land wasn't about losing my direction—it was about finding a new one. The girl who spent her life looking after others has finally found the space to grow for herself. The "boring" girl and the "adventurous" boy have met somewhere in the middle, creating a life that is uniquely ours. Through the tears of homesickness and the triumph of our first year, our teamwork has become our greatest strength. We aren't just surviving in Spain; we are building a future where we dream bigger than I ever dared to alone.

The box I was once afraid to step out of? It's gone. And I’m so glad I stepped out with him.