The Box I Was Afraid to Leave (POV: Wife)

So here's my back story...

Many years ago, I told myself, "I will never live in a foreign country. I’ll only visit for vacation."
That was the innocent, contented, and comfortable version of me.

My family was not rich. My parents—and later, my mother on her own—did their absolute best to send us to school. As the eldest of five siblings, I understood the weight of responsibility early on. Even back in elementary school, I would automatically decline field trips because I knew we could only afford the basic necessities. There simply wasn't a budget for "unnecessary" expenses, and as the "Ate," I felt I had to be the first one to understand that. I needed to be the role model.

Back then, I learned to appreciate what our parents could afford. I was a person who typically didn't want to complain because I felt it would only add to the weight of our family’s difficult economic situation. I could not complain about whatever food my mother prepared—even if it was just rice mixed with Star Margarine. And no, there was no other dish to go with it, like meat or vegetables. Just rice and margarine. I remember almost gagging because I really didn't like the taste, but I had to eat it without complaining. Don't get me wrong, I was a very obedient child, but I also experienced my share of "palo" (hitting) because sometimes I got caught being "pasaway" (naughty), and my mother was a strict disciplinarian.

Despite that, my parents were always supportive of my interests. They knew how much I loved drawing. I think that skill is in my father's blood. They thought I would take Fine Arts, but I told them, "I want to be an architect."

And so, I moved to Manila because my course wasn't available in our province. By the time I finished, I had truly become a "Manila girl."

I studied at a public state university where tuition cost only Php 1,000 per semester, but the drawing materials and projects were not cheap. Plus, I had to rent a bed-space in a dormitory near school.

My mother worked very hard for my schooling. She is a very practical woman. While working in a garments factory, she juggled side hustles with Avon, Boardwalk, Natasha, and more to keep us afloat. She was a master of budgeting, but when she lost her job during my third year of university, I was terrified I wouldn't be able to finish my degree.

I spent nights overthinking, imagining myself working part-time at Jollibee just to support my studies. Fortunately, my uncle, a civil engineer working abroad, volunteered to help. I thank God for him, especially since my mother didn't want me working part-time; between my projects and schoolwork, I barely had time to sleep. Because of their support, I successfully earned my Bachelor’s Degree in Architecture (without any failing grades, ahem!) and eventually became a licensed architect.

When I started working, I promised myself my siblings would never have to worry about their schooling, at least financially. It was my turn to repay my parents’ and uncle’s generosity. I had a good-paying job for a fresh graduate and slowly became the "breadwinner" of the family. While this is common in the Philippines, in my case, it wasn't toxic because I volunteered for it. I was transparent with my family, telling them my financial support would continue until I turned 27 because, "I am not getting any younger, and I want to get married!"

And this is when the shift happened...

At 27, I married Seven.

Many of our friends know that we were high school "puppy love" back then (I can make another blog post about our love story if you want! Lol!). But God had better plans; we parted ways after high school and only met again just before I graduated from university. Maybe God wanted me to focus on my studies first?

We were best friends first, but we are a study in contrasts!
If Seven is fire, I am water.
If Seven is winter, I am summer.

He has big, sprawling dreams; I am easily contented.
He is spontaneous, while I consider myself the "boring" type.
He is courageous enough to imagine any possibility, while I was afraid to step out of the box.

But you know who was happiest about this match?
My mother.
Because finally, her daughter was being transformed into the person she wanted her to be.

Because we were married, I learned the art of compromise. I followed where my husband went and learned to support his interests—which, as it turns out, I actually enjoy!

I would rather nap than watch movies, but I accompany him anyway. Sometimes (if the movie doesn't interest me), he finds me napping while he’s watching! Lol.

I would rather read books or do household chores to relax (Yes! Doing chores is actually good for my mental health!), but in his free time, he likes playing cards, board games, and even video games. Imagine—he taught me how to play Resident Evil and all I did was scream!

I would rather be at home relaxing, but he is an outdoorsy person who loves to explore. So, I learned to expose myself to the sun and catch up with his energy! We started traveling locally and internationally, and that shifted my perspective more than anything else ever could.

My life as an Immigrant started...

Fast forward to today, and most of you know why we are in Spain. (If you don’t, you can watch our story in our vlog here: https://youtu.be/ewnAF41X1Nw).

After 12 years of marriage, we decided to leave our home country.

We have been living here for a year now, and I’ve realized that being the "Panganay" prepared me for this life in ways I didn't expect. The same girl who had to be practical with the family budget in the Philippines is the same woman now navigating a new economy in Spain. The resilience I developed while looking after my four siblings became my secret weapon.

If I could sit in a room with my 27-year-old self, we wouldn't believe where life has taken us! She would probably give me a face-palm reaction, lol! In Filipino, we call it "Kinain ko ang sinabi ko" (I ate my words) regarding living abroad, but I see now that my upbringing was a rehearsal for this. I often recall my mother’s teachings:

• To be practical in all things.

• To manage income and expenses strictly.

• To handle household chores (because no one else will do them for you!).

• To develop "people skills," because we cannot survive without the help of others.

My Personal Learnings: One Year as an Immigrant

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If I could sum up my first year in Spain into a few life lessons, they would be these:

• Discovering Hidden Bravery: I’ve learned that I am capable of unimaginable things. Moving across the world has introduced me to a level of courage I never knew I possessed. We don’t have relatives here; it’s just us starting everything from scratch. From surviving an 18-hour flight to finding an apartment, learning a new language, and exploring unfamiliar places—I’ve realized that this is real courage.
  
  

• The Power of Firsthand Experience: There is a vast difference between hearing about immigrant life and actually living it. Now that I’ve walked this path, I feel a deep calling to help others by sharing the reality of our journey. We did tons of research before coming here, so I know that someone out there is looking for the same courage. We are rooting for you!
  
  

• Embracing the "Not Okay" Days: No life is perfect, and no transition is seamless. You may see me looking well in our vlogs, but behind those moments is an ordinary human who also feels homesickness. I’ve learned that it is okay to feel overwhelmed; it’s not a sign of weakness, but a necessary part of adjustment.
  
  

• Finding Joy in the Simple: Whether it’s a long walk through the city or a quiet afternoon people-watching over coffee, enjoying the small things keeps us grounded while we figure out the "big" things. Life is too short to be boring—I’m telling this to the "old me"!
  
  

• Choosing My "Foreign Family": Surrounding myself with the right people is vital. Finding true friends in a new country is a literal lifesaver. There is a specific kind of peace that comes from being with them. They helped me fight homesickness and make a foreign land feel like home. I’m happy to say that I’m not crying anymore. Thank you, guys—you know who you are!
  
  

• Dreaming New Dreams: Setting new goals gives us a purpose. It’s okay to let go of old plans to make room for a "new why." We recently talked about our newest goals and wildest dreams. Living in Spain was once just a dream, and now we are living it. We’re moving onto the next—because who says you have to limit your list?
  
  

• Intentional Stewardship: My mother’s voice is always in my head: be intentional with your spending. Buy what is needed; the "wants" can wait. This applies to everything, even our grocery habits. We make sure no food is wasted because every single Euro counts!
  
  

• Radical Open Communication: Now that it’s just the two of us navigating this life, honesty is our greatest tool. Whether we’re sharing our struggles over a board game or discussing our future on a hike, teamwork only works when communication is wide open. We are a team, no matter what.

Ultimately, I realize that following my husband to a foreign land wasn't about losing my direction—it was about finding a new one.

The girl who spent her life looking after others has finally found the space to grow for herself.

The "boring" girl and the "adventurous" boy have met somewhere in the middle, creating a life that is uniquely ours.

Through the tears of homesickness and the triumph of our first year, our teamwork has become our greatest strength.

We aren't just surviving in Spain; we are building a future where we dream bigger than I ever dared to alone.

The box I was once afraid to step out of? It's gone.

And I’m so glad I stepped out with him.

Want to know our reasons on why we left the Philippines?

👉 Watch it on our YouTube channel: MJ & SEVEN in Spain

I thought it will be easy-peasy...

I overestimated myself! I thought I was resilient enough for immigrant life because of my past. But the truth is... even an eldest daughter has her breaking point.

I cried during my first and second months here.
I would usually cry in the bathroom or before sleeping to make sure Seven wouldn't notice.

The feeling of being so far away from my "tribe"—my family—made me so sad. I also missed our two dogs, Botchie and Scavi, whom I loved taking care of.

For the first time, I wasn't the "Ate" everyone could lean on; I was the one who felt lost.

And what did I do?

In that season, I became more prayerful.

I could only truly scream my worries and anxiety to God.

I cried and knelt, praying for strength.

I have learned to rely entirely on God’s goodness rather than just my own strength.

And you know what? Prayer is so powerful!

Looking back at our first year in Spain, I can see that we aren't just surviving—we are thriving.

I never thought I would appreciate the right friends so much, or that I would be putting my mom’s life advice into practice every single day.

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